happened: at adrian's house. feb 12 05. nytym.

I don’t need anyone to get mad at me and narrate to me the best of the best SERMONS in the world. It’s lame, I don’t listen. I shun understanding, close-minded to anything that is hurting. When we kissed, the night of feb 1205, it was not only my fault.. it was his too. SO, WHY THE HELL IS EVERYONE MAD AT ME BECAUSE OF HIM!?!? What the fuck!?!? I don’t think it is fair (hus fair anyway?!) to THROW ALL THE BLAME ON ME.. I did not tripped, I didn’t played.. in fact, as much as I tried to numb myself.. I unexpectedly felt that something.. you know what it is.. the butterflies in the stomach. Yes, I felt that night.. I fell for my friend, dindo. Holy shit..then now, what do I get?! People around, SEEING ME NOW AS THE VILLAIN OF THIS STORY?!!? Tangina naman CJ, IVY, AID at kung sino pang mga galit sakin because of what dindo and I did..BAKIT!?!?!?!?!? kung husgahan nyo ko, parang ako lang ang may kasalanan, AT CNO KAU PARA MAGALIT? WHY? SA TINGIN NIO GINUSTO KO AT NAGING MASAYA KO SA NANGYARI?!?!?!!? No im not.. absolutely NOT. You see DINDO, your precious friend …AS IF HE WAS THE VICTIM!!!!!!!!!!!! Son of a gun..if you don’t understand, then im not forcing you to do so..paniwalaan nio nlng kung anong gusot niong paniwalaan, total ..di nio naman ako kelangan diba? PWES,, the feeling is MUTUAL. I don’t need you in my god amn LIFE either. I don’t even matter to yah,, do i? what do you think of yourselves,, some kinda JURORS!?!?!? Some sort ovvah GODS ang GODESSES that’ll judge a situation according to what you believe is right?! Shut the fuck up coz ur not! U DON’T EVEN HAVE THE RIGHT. WHO ARE YOU ANYWAYS?! So,, bettah get off. If u got nothing good to say, then STEP OUT. UR USELESS and UR NOT A HELP AT ALL. I tired of people who are mad at me. Don’t add up to my collection. Well,, if you alredi signed up for the list of those MAD-AT-VENESSA-COZ-SHE-IS-A=CHEAP-WHORE PEOPLE then, what else can I do.. it’s your choice.. but mind you ,, I tend to throw people on that list. Coz I don’t give a fuck pleasing everyone.. pwede ba?!!?!?! What venessa wants, venessa gets! Tanginang yan. Paki ko sa inyo!?!?

Given the chance, I , honestly shouldn’t have done what dindo and I did. I wish that I knew then what I know now. I shud have forseen what is going to happen..what FRIENDSHIP myt get RUINED…well,, if you want this friendship to be going GONE, just tell me, close book and im DONE. Tis all up to you now, dear jurors.. madali lang akong kausap.. coz if you want this matter to end,, to the extent that we’ll end it as if I NEVER existed in your LIVES..then I will. Tell me if that would make happy and satisfyd.. then I will end everything ..CLEAN and SMOOTH..DEAR JURORS.. CJ, IVY and ADRIAN. Ayt?

And for Dindo,…

Well, what else can I say?! Nangyaring na,, me magagawa pa ba ang sisihan? I just want to state things clearly,.. I did not RAPED you, FORCED you to kiss me, nor did I THREATENED you in any possible way.. in fact, when I kissed you, YOU KISSED ME BACK! And then that’s it.i forgot everything else.. I forgot the aftermath of doin’ such act. I forgot everything else.. I forgot that wat im goin to is not a JOKE anymore.. I forgot that there can never be “US” in any given ANGLE.. even though,, given the chance.. I would wan to love you. Only that, I alredi know from the very start ..you wont allow me to, will you? Coz im justa virus and you’re a PC. You won’t allow me to infect your system, ryt? HINDI KA NAMAN TALAGA KAWALAN, PUTANG INA. I work for myself, I stand up alone, I make the money that I spend and I don’t need anyone to make or break me. BOYS ARE MY PAST TYM.. SO DON’T U DARE LOOK UP TO URSELF AS IF YOU MEAN THE WORLD TO ME..COZ YOU DON’T. HONESTLY DINDO, UR NOTHING. I don’t even need my parents , so WHO DO U THINK U ARE, HUH? At IKAW PA PALA ANG MAY GANANG MAGALIT?! KAPAL MO TALAGA DUDE, AKO ANG BABAE…KAWALAN YUN SA PART KO.. PLUS THE FACT NA MARAMING NAGALIT SAKIN.. DHIL LANG SAYO.. FUCK. The sympathy is on you.. ur the good guy now..i don’t know how yu DID THAT BUT GE.. CONGRATS! …

…COZ YU SUCCESFULLY APPEARDED TO BE THE VICTIM..AND I UNFORTUNATELY TIRNED OUT TO BE THE ANTAGONIST.. YU MADE IT MAN!

Masaya ka na ba!? You got your FIRST KISS, you have with you your VERY SUPPORTIVE FRIENDS hu happens to be my USED-TO-BE FRIENDS too, not until they got mad at me because of what “I did to you” …as they name it. Was it worth it? Not really, asshole. Tapos na ren ako magsulat. nasabi ko na lahat. Paggising ko bukas.. wala na ulit akong maaalala.. 

PANU KUNG SA INYO NANGYARE TO?!?!?!?!

nasa sitwasyon ka nung girl..

may SECRET LOVE na ngaganap kahit may boyfrend na ikao?

potah,,,,

Read on......



girl: i didnt mean to hurt you so badly....

boy: it Does hurt a lot, but i can bare with it im used to be hurt

girl: but i am soo into my boyfriend...

boy: i can wait for you , while waiting i can make you fall for me

girl: im so sorry,,

boy: i forgive you, like jesus

girl: nobody planned this,,

not you..

not even i..

boy: tama ka

girl: but i must admit,,

i must have fallen for you..

for a moment..


only that,,

guilt trip is killin me..

i love my boyfriend..

ironically,,

the much that you love me is the much that i love him...

boy: i understand that you love him very much,

diba " An Angel always take a Burden"


girl: that's the fact..

maybe we just have to FORGET everything that has happened..

im sorry if i used u only to satisfy my appetite for makin love..

boy: No, let's not forget, even though there's guilt, itutuloy ko

parin to fulfill you...

girl: the demon inside me did that..

not i..

boy: im always the Light that protects you, Be happy

maybe this isnt just the right time for us,,

boy: it may be, it maybe not that is the Question

girl: we'll get there someday..

boy: that may be today someday the next the but today is right

girl: and hopefully,, by that time,,

i hope we still feel for each other.

boy: don't worry, do not be afraid

girl: you are one ALMOST PERFECT AND IDEAL BF for every woman..

hus cravin' for love..

boy: yah... all girls say that to me my friends, best friends

my past lovers and you

girl: so be fair to yourself and try to love again..

dont lock yourself unto me..

you are free,,

boy: i know, im free to you, Please don't cry

girl: so long as you are happy,,

boy: im happy

girl: go on..

boy: can't go on with out you, im vowed to you... "JUST LIKE A

HONORABLE KNIGHT"

girl: remember the line in a song...

"the greatest love of all is easy to achieve

Learning to love yourself, is the greatest love of all.."

Love yourself first.

Love your god,, above all..

i love you..

boy: I love you too, you are my everything....





:::::i need help.. tru to life lahat yan.. nangyayayri xa skn ngyn,,

:::::anong gagawin ko,,

:::::pls message me for advices..

:::::NOW, WHAT WOULD U DO IF YOU WERE THE GIRL?

:::::WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU WERE IN MAH PLACE?

:::::gusto ko nalang mag-disappear.

:::::whapaaaaaaaaaaaaaaak!!!!

Before I start this piece of shit,, which I don’t know what to name it.. I would like to say my deep and sincere THANKS to the creator of friendster,,bcoz of your powerful invention,, I’ve finally found the man of my dreams which took me THREE damn years to find.. ARGH. That was close to forever. You ended my search. God bless you.

To start it over,, let’s recall the very first time I saw his face in friendster’s “SEE MORE PEOPLE”..it was the 13th of December, 2004, when I gazed his profile and found out few stuff about him. His name was “JAMES”. I find him really attractive so I decided to add him as my friend.. that was I think the FIRST MOVE I had to make.. harhar! But the frenster is messing up that’s why I can’t seem to add him up. AND IN MY FRUSTRATION, I sent him a message.. my message goes something like this:

> ei..
>
> i was desperately tryin to add u as a frend but i
> cant seem to find my way out..
>
> i really find u hot and cutie so maybe we can get
to
> know each other or hang out sumtimes this x-
mas
> vac.
>
> dont wory, im single,, sana ikaw ren.
>
> here's my mobile no. 09195081422..
>
> soeh.. til here.
>
> pls add me up.
>
> bye bye.

I never expected JAMES to reply to my message. I didn’t even thought of him after that. He was just my usual crush in a matter of split seconds. And to my surprise,, a stranger texted me this message on the 15th of December, 2004:

>>Ei.. james hir.. I read ur msg in friendster.. invyt lang sana kita, bday ng tropa ko diz coming sat..since u want uz 2 hang out diz xmas vac.. sa 18 cguro yung tym..wer u from ba? Textback asap..james

Whow?!?!? I can hardly believe it. He answered back in a manner I didn’t really expected. Oooooh….i was beginning to think that he’s also interested to meet me up.. hahaha. Oh cum on,, mamon.. haha.
Wait.. that’s too much to ask,,I think. He’s one handsome and perfect guy and I don’t think im his type of girl..

There ya go..

We started texting, chatting and talking on the fone. Ya, I must admit that I liked his style though he is a sort of gangster (which I and my frends used to hate) …he’s got his moves that made me…uhhhmmmmm… okay okay…that made me fall for him.. slowly but surely. I am not even aware of it.. not until he confessed that he’s fallin’ for me as well. By then, we started callin’ each other PRINCPE and PRINCESA. Oh..How I love it each time he makes pa-cute in saying “musta na, PRINCESA KOW?”… he’s kinda slang so everytime he says that.. im soooooooper kilig from head to toe!!! Gosh. What emma gonna do?!!? Things happen just as it is. He didn’t plan it. Not even i. but both of us (I suppose he is) were thankful that we’ve found each other, despite our distances (he’s in cavite, im in san juan) and despite our differences. (he;’s a gangster, im a trasher)
We have created a perfect chemistry for lovers longin’ to start a new life for each other and to settle down with sincerity and this time.. to stop fooling around. To be serious, alas, finally..

I said yes to his invitation though I had the fear that he’s not gonna show up but instead, a kidnapper. Eeeeew…Anyways, we are gonna meet up in a public place so I suppose no harm can be done to me,,if ever my fear comes to life. We met at wendy’s taft. At around 4:30 pm. What’s nice is.. my “SIGN” did come true when he wear that shirt, socks and sneakers with a strike of red color. Cooool! That was close huh! That time,, I started to believe in destiny again. Oh,, crap. What is this now huh?!? A love story?!? Oh cum on, mamon.. wazza matter peanut butter?! Nothing really.. tiz just that.. tiz bin a long time ago since I FELT this way.. since I FELT the feeling that JAMES is makin’ me feel that moment..

When I first saw him enterin’ wendy’s.. no doubt.. that’s him. But, HE SNOBBED AT ME!!!!! Argh.. I though he didn’t like me. Nah!! He just washed his face in the c.r. then he approached me and asked if I am venessa. I said yes and asked him the same question,,if he is james,,even though I already know the answer to my question.

Mind you,, HE IS SO LIKE UHHHHHHHH……HUNK MAN!!!!! He knows how to scratch like a disc jockey, he’s a CUNETA (related to my LOOK-ALIKE Sharon cuneta), he’s an IT student hu filed PERMANENT SEMBREAK, he’s sweet, kinda aggressive, imaginative (LOVES TO DIRECT SCENES LIKE ME..), creative, likes rackiztas (like mwuah), knows how to c-walk, never wears bling-bling, no body pierce and MOST IMPORTANTLY he is one heck of a SINGLE GUY!!!! …..and with those qualifications, I declare that he is MINE.

Take note,,,,All mine.

We had the hard time lookin’ for a bus that has its vacant seats at the back for us to put every scenes that we directed into REALITY.. haha. And so we did. He started everything by holding my hands, like forever.. me, kissin his neck in the public or the so-called PDA. Haha. His Kissin’ my hands. Doin’ our French kissin’ in the bus. Massage him.. nd kiss him.. cuddling,, thugin’ huggin’ and sleepin’ on his shoulder until the time comes that we are already in cavite. He even acted as if he was my TOUR GUIDE! Hahaha.. that was fun!! He looked silly but the truth is… im sooo truly madly deeply inlove with james that time that I wanna squeeze him and take him home with me,,if only I could.. huhuhu…

We arrived at his place around 8pm,,I think. We were both oh soeh hungry that time!!!!! Argh. We ate at his frend’s carinderia and the food was my ULTIMATE FAVORITE,,liver steak!!!!! So I had that for dinner and he had menudo. After a while,, he gave the liver to me.. I asked him if he’s not eatin’ that stuff…know what he said? “no,sayu nalang, dba favorite mo yan?” uhhhhhh!!!!!! Damn, I was so touched. I wanted to hug him that moment only that I had to control myself because we are I a public place. I was so clueless that Cavite is one COLD whether when it’s night time. My body began to shiver wearin’ my off shoulder blouse in a room temperature comparable to the degree Celsius inside a freezer. Grrrrrrrrrhhhhhh….

What he did is to cuddle me so I’ll stay warm.. hahaha.. we drank. He smoked. He introduced me to his SOOOPER KALOG tropaz. We laugh tripped all night!! JR was my closest frend among them. Coz, u know,, he shares something on what james thinks about me. About his attitude and the like.. JR is so kulit!!!! He is used to his line,, “WAG MAGPAPANIC, RELAK LANG!!! PAG MADAMI NA TAYU,, RELAKS!! OK?!?!” bwahahahahahahahahaha… I was really flattered when james’ tropaz told me that among all james’ ex gf’s.. I was the only girl who was able to cope up with their “KAKALOGAN”… I am easy to be with daw.. coz I am not pikon daw unlike the other girls james brought before. And that means.. they like me. Whow! They are even fond of the way I laugh!!!! Aaaaargh! There’s nothing I can do to change it.

Worst comes worst when my mum started ringin’ already. Since my balance is P0.00 alredi, I pretend that my fone was low bat and I used james’ fone to text my mum. I reasoned out that vincentians are having a x-mas party and then after the party, we’ll all go to mass together… my mum believed that piece of barber’s alibi of mine and she even told me to take care of myself and her “I love you”.. alas. Case solved!

I remember givin’ james a time limit until 2am. So when the time is up,, game over…we had to go to bed. And so he did. I mean we did,.,,change our clothes first. Do our necessities in the c.r. and lied down in one bed… and you think NOTHING HAPPENED!?!?!?!? Ofcourse… we started makin’ love.

What’s best about James is that he does it gentle and slow for he knows that im still a virgin.. He does it with respect by his way of askin’ me if it’s okay before making any moves. I think he just wanted me to take control of the situation so that I wont get hurt or anything. By the time we got soooeh FUCKED UP already,, I started askin’ him why he keeps on moaning “oh, shit!!” …know what he said? : “FUCKED UP NA FUCKED UP NAKO SAYO DI PABA HALATA!!?!?!” hahaha.. and I was like.. “talaga?!?” hehehe. I was the best among all the amateur, daw. I love it when he says “I love you” while we were makin’ love. That only proves his clean intention.. he also told me this..”alam mo, lahat ng nakaka-sex ko, hindi ko sineryoso.. kaw palang yung seryoso tapos GANITO”…. Lalu naman akong na-flatter.
Aaaaw…. Taguuus yun! It felt like heaven ya knoe.. I feel that I can die anytime that moment knowin’ that I happen to make love alredi with the one I love and luckily,, that sumone loves me back. But, I said to myself.. ahhh.. not now.. gimme sum more tym.. mamahalin ko pa si James. Marami pakong gusting tuklasin sa kanya,. (drama ba itu?!?) We did our makin’ love from 2 to 5 am. And to tell you,, it’s extremely exhausting!!!!! But with James as my love mate,,, it’s all worth the pain and the sweat.. I love him,, that’s the only reason my heart shouts!! Oooow. Until the time cums for me to wake up and face the sun.. Again,, this time,, without James. How sad for me to leave na di manlang nya ko hinatid dhil malakas pa amats ng alak sa kanya that morning. But I was glad na inasikaso naman ako ng mga tita nya. Super bait at pinakain muna ko before I leave the place.

All of this happened for just two days and one night.

But to tell you the truth,, those were the best days of my life James..

Makin’ love with you was a dream come true for me.

I will never forget,, DECEMBER 18 – 19 2004..

You got me,, and I had you.

Though there’s no such thing as forever,

You have me as long as I live.

Aishterooo….woainee…Mahal na mahal kita…

Princpe JAMES CUNETA kow.

Smoooooooooooooooooooch!!

**kissmark sa neck!**

Wahahahahaha.. aight?

para lang to sa princpeh ng buhay kow..

...dati yun.    ulul.